THAT time of year…

If you are a single and working (or single and NOT working), then this may be the time of year that you dread…the holiday party season.

Hallowe’en to Thanksgiving to Christmas and Chanukah to New Year’s…if you are alone, then this can be a torturous time of year. There are parties at friends, Hallowe’en invites, parties at work, New Year’s Eve celebrations — you name it…another reason to curl up on the sofa with a bag of chocolate chip cookies, a comforter and a good book or movie. I’m not married, but when I was, there was the pressure of all the festivities but in more of a performance anxiety way (but that is fodder for another post.)

Wallowing in self-pity never works — hasn’t worked for me and I’m sure it won’t work for you. And there are several ways to move around the game. You can avoid or you can join. So let’s talk about both options.

There is passive avoidance — doing nothing (the curl up with cookies/book deal), but that is always so last minute that it can devolve into self-pity.

I’d choose the route of active avoidance. A couple of years ago, a good friend invited me to join her and her son for a family winter camp…that ran over New Year’s Eve. Initially I resisted, thinking I wouldn’t be able to bear being at a New Year’s Eve party with having no one to kiss at midnight. But she convinced me that we’d hang out together and enjoy a bottle of wine withour kids.

It was a FANTASTIC idea. I went, had a wonderful time, went to sleep at 9 pm on New Year’s Eve with nary a tear of self-pity within 50 miles of the place. That is active avoidance.Then there is the join in strategy, which involves a high level of proactivity starting now. You pull up your socks, get some good pics of yourself, some top notch copy, and start online dating. There are many sites out there, so make the investment of a couple of bucks and start dating. If you date aggressively for the next month, you’ll have a date with a decent person (even if not the love of your life, you might be tempted to go for a NYE kiss) who will also be grateful to have someone to hang out over the holidays with. If you are over 50, I’ll recommend my brand, www.genplussingles.com. Jewish? www.jdate.com Quick return on investment? www.match.com Slower process? www.eharmony.com

Keep on your toes to avoid the married guys and gals who don’t disclose their status. And if you find red flags, move on to the next one. Have fun and let me know how you do. I really want to hear proactive avoidance suggestions!!!

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